"The Catcher in the Rye stopped reading after high school.""Is still 13."

Into the Wild is white and wealthy."Has a victim complex where he thinks he has problems but they're 100% self-made.""Loooooves nature, but actually nature = weed.""Lots of polar fleece.""Has probably never actually been camping.""Cannot grow a beard. Wishes he could grow a beard."

"Fight Club just, like, really understands the struggle, man.""Douche fucking alert.""Hasn't actually read the book but believes he can pass it off like he has because of the movie."

Anything by John Updike will never let you break up with him.""Writes complicated emails.""Misses 'chivalry.'""White dude only.""Whiter than Casper eating granulated sugar in a KKK uniform.""Fetishizes your ankle.""#LiteraryRobinThicke"

"A Farewell to Arms is so brooding.""Still into Conor Oberst.""Will break up with you 19 times and say 'I'm just so fucked up right now' before each.""Has a Moleskin.""Spent time 'volunteering' overseas. Says 'when I was in country' way too much.""Talks shit about Facebook."